Stop Everything and Just Be.

It’s been a week.

Lots of triggers, lack of sleep, being dysregulated, feeling a lot of stuff I don’t want to feel in my body, being short-fused, not showing up the way I want to. Beating myself up. Questioning. Fretting. Drilling questions and a life I've been trying to keep up with. A lot of stress. Experiencing heaps of peace and joy one day and the next being ridden with anxiety.

But last night, as I laid out on my mat in my living room, I simply breathed. I sang. Cried. Wrote. Stopped trying to measure up to what society says I’m supposed to be. And I was reminded of so many truths that my heart had not been able to hear through all the pain lately.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to get my act together, and God says, come, right now, just as you are. This is a relationship. You’re not supposed to have it all figured out. You can’t figure it all out.

Sometimes I forget He’s sweet. He’s a kind Dad. He’s a great friend. He fills the holes in my heart. He smooths out the rough edges. He provides. He restores. He makes all things new.

I don't know about you, but sometimes I forget these truths & I need to be reminded. I want to be self-sustainable, and it’s not at all what God wants for me. He doesn’t want me to be some boss babe who doesn’t need anyone. He wants me to have rich relationships. He sees me in all my humanity & it’s not a problem to Him. He wants me to be able to trust new people, let them see my imperfections, and not project past pain onto my relationships. I’m not supposed to be running a million miles a minute. A slower pace in life is not bad. It’s actually what He has called me to.

I’m reminded that nothing good comes of me if I’m not connected to the Source of true joy, love, peace… everything good. You see, my human heart is fickle. As much as I’d like to think I’ve been rid of pride or thoughts that are not good, I’m still a work in progress. I still get scared sometimes. I still have anger that rears its ugly head. I see another massive wave coming my way and I shutter. Instead of trying to face the wave on my own, I need to lay down my weapons, guards, and burdens, and just sit with my God. My friend. I can trust Him. I can let Him take over.

Now the wave doesn’t look so big. Now I’m breathing more deeply. Now I can see more clearly. Now I’m not carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore.

Sometimes we need to just stop. Everything. And just be.