Heart Changes & Little Victories
I read the other day, “destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the concept that rest, recovery, and reflection are essential parts of the progress towards a successful and ultimately happy life.”
This is quite opposite of what we’re hearing these days. Everything and everyone seems to be spinning on a never-ending wheel of craziness. Constant stimulation. Constant ways to better ourselves. Constant information. Anxiety through the roof. I’m not saying that bettering ourselves is bad, but it’s important to remember who the One is that betters us. We in our own strength and humanness can only do so much. Jesus is the one who truly changes us at a heart level. We can change all our behaviors, but our hearts can still be in a dark place.
God has been changing my heart again. I wasn’t in the best place for a while. I was angry about all that Lyme had stolen. Angry about certain friendships. Angry about how lonely this road has been. I was grieving and having a hard time letting the right people in.
Refreshment reaches my bones this morning as I inhale and exhale, and then I hear a gentle whisper say, “I'm so proud of you.” I haven’t heard that from the Father in a while. Maybe it’s because I haven’t turned my ear to hear Him.
Looking back on this past decade, the whispers from that still small voice were my lifeline. My book points to that continually - that God is the one that has carried me through all my trials. Yet still, I forget. I so easily forget the One who has made everything possible, the One who has brought me healing, the One who has given us joy, and the One who has provided time and time again.
I’ve heard a lot of criticism about these radical acts of worship and revivals that have been happening lately. I can understand where the criticism is coming from. When you get hurt by people in the church, it changes you. You realize that the fruit of our lives is what matters at the end of the day. And when you see “Christians” fail to show any empathy or understand how to love people, it can make you skeptical of people in the church, how the church operates, and if certain “moves” of God are manipulated or dramatically manufactured by extremely loud music and a bunch of fog machines. (Even though fog machines are toxic to our health! I know a girl with Lyme who had donated over 10k and so much of her time to a certain ministry in her church and the pastors, who were some of her closest friends, refused to get rid of the fog machines and scented candles because they wanted their church “to feel like a hotel” - so she was forced to eventually leave the church. This is infuriating!)
All of this is a reminder that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and we all need grace.
We don’t chase encounters with God to give us goosebumps or make us feel good. We seek Him to align our hearts and our minds more with his heart. And from that, change inevitably happens.
I encourage you, friend, to drop the weights that the world has put on your shoulders. Take a deep breath today and then take another, and another. Ask God to show you if there are any lies that you are believing. Do something life-giving. Thank God for all the blessings. Get outside. Get back to the basics.
I snapped this picture the other night before going to bed. It feels goofy posting it on this blog, but that’s okay. The day had not been a particularly easy one, but somehow I was genuinely happy. I felt thankful, content, and enough. This is a victory to me. Though I don’t wish this upon anyone and though I wish I didn’t have to deal with the pain, I’m thankful for Lyme disease. I’m thankful that my suffering has allowed me to slow down enough to look in the eyes of my Savior and see more of what He’s really like.
And every day I am healing. Every day I’m coming back to life. And whether or not our processes make any sense to people, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the posture of our hearts and the fact that they are still soft after all the pain.
He's not even close to done with you. You have no idea all the beauty and redemption that's to come. May we come to see that the thorns in our side are not curses, but rather blessings.
To healing together one day at a time,
Lauren